Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

MICHAEL JACKSON AND THE CORPORATE MADNESS

October 13, 2009

My Billie Jean Performance_Smallest

Get relief from the coporate madness.  Go mad and do something outrageous. Fight fire with fire.

As we go on and on with the drudgery of our daily grind, we tend to be so absorbed into what we do at work that we forget that work is just a means to an end – not an end in itself. Unless of course you are a volunteer in a not-for-profit organisation that is committed to serve the needs of society. The problem with the corporate world is its capitalist roots where greed is a legitimate pursuit which in turn comes back to serve the survival of the system itself.

The way the corporate world is structured – a cold, unforgiving, stiff pressure-cooker environment wrapped in a pleasant neat and compartmentalised matrix bathed in blinding flourescent lights. The kind that imresses upon you so much that it tends to hang on to you wherever you go till you get desensitised to the nightmare that you call work. Most of the time you get a small part to play in the big picture – sort of like a jigsaw piece. Over time you tend to lose the forest for the trees and develop tunnel vision where you lose your sense of direction, lose the meaning of your being there in the first place – which is to do something meaningful by the way. And finally you start losing your mind way before you start losing your hair. And then you go into this drunken state of zombie-ness where your main priorities is to pass the buck and clear as many files from your table so that you can have some time for yourself to think about your problems that you don’t really have.

The truth is, the files never get cleared and you get desperate day after day, deadline after dealine, meeting after meeting until you just go with the flow of the corporate river and develop some nifty ability to dodge the bullets and knives come your way to haunt you for your corporate sins of old. You learn about the best carpets to sweep your corporate dirt under, the best holes to bury your undischarged corporate responsibilities from prying eyes. Once in a while you succumb to stealing an hour or two to surf the net or do your personal stuff or even steal from your office – without a whiff of guilt.

And you try ways and means to escape the daily drudgery but you can’t. The you start managing the drudgery by just concentrating on only your area of work while giving excuses for the rest. Then you realise that you can even go one further by passing the buck to others.

They call it “tai chi” in chinese – a skill that is a fine art in the corporate context wher you gracefully push your work and its responsibilities out of your purview. You now go into survival mode and use the newbies to run your show and maybe even do your personal errands. That is until they find out its not their job – but by which time it’ll be too late for them.

Congratulations, you are now a corporate caricature that Scott Adams so deftly portrays in his comic strips. You get lost in your own world and move about in sober drunkenness. You think you are in control of your faculties but not realising that the system has overtaken you and has started subsuming your existence into just another appendage to it’s numerous tentacles.

It sucks dry the very life in your personality and the very humanity in your character to become a flat one-dimensional object the existence of which is only a teensy weensy bit more than the existence of your office furniture in your cubicle. You lose your sense of humour together with your personality and become this dry one-dimensional corporate zombie to whom laughter is an alien experience and totally out of place in the office, you develop a nervous twitch and become stiff in your movements  and think you are cool. You develop a blankness in your face which is a reflection of the state of your mind.

So something must happen to release – sort of like an explosion – to release you from this pressure that you didn’t know existed in the first place. Weekends never work beacuse they come to an end and the mondays dangle over your heads like a guillotine that is slowly descending as the weekend comes to a close. So the release is never full and is never really there because the fear is always there no matter how many bottles you down at a corporate pub and lose yourself in a glass of strong drink to find a way out of your pain that you can’t really feel.

As I was sinking into that corporate quicksand, there came an opportunity to go mad. What is mad in the corporate world mind you is sanity for the people of real world – and the bulk of this group are made of sages and children in a world gone mad and greedy.

I seized it and went before an odd corporate crowd of 200 and put my three days worth of practicing of the Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean to the smooth carpeted floor of the Sheraton Ball Room. I mean I had to. Well, how often do you get to grab your crotch in front of your top bosses and still expect to have a day job turn up to the next day? This in my view is an excellent opportunity to showcase all you have, release yourself in the most un-artistic way and get one up your colleagues and bosses while getting an applause!

What I didn’t expect is the complete release from the pressure after my five minutes of crappy performance. I decided not to have any shame for that moment and as the minutes ticked by I got more audacious and I felt exorcised of this corporate demon that had consumed me for the longest time. It felt good and I’m thankful for that guy who did the Elvis who said that this is his real self and in work he performs. And he is known as the crazy guy! Now I realise he could’t be any saner.

Well my only regret is that I didn’t take off & throw the Jacket and rip my t-shirt off. Maybe I’ll do that the next time cos this release is just like crack-cocaine – the dosage needs to be heavier with each successive fix to get the same amount of high

Release yourself. DO somehing crazy. Like the NatGeo Advert Goes – “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” But I hope it does’nt turn out to be the graveyard of the many firsts that I did for the last time! Now I know, Small time performers have it good (and maybe not the money) because they don’t get embroiled in the muck of showbiz.

THANK GOD FOR MICHAEL AND ELVIS . God bless them.

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Most Scientific discoveries could be nothing more than puerile nonsense

August 26, 2007

Einstien once was known to have remarked :

One thing I have learnt in a long life: that all our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike – and yet it is the most precious thing we have”

If we think that science has answered all our questions we are dead wrong. If reality is a baby – the scientific sperm has not even met it’s egg yet. And yet we have secular fundamentalists – most notably the evolutionists – making fantastic and cocksure claims about their findings and then foiting it down society as gospel truth in complex pseudo-scientific lingo. I once had an argument with at least two of my blog’s commentors about the veracity of science vis-a-vis reality and they was so sure that the “scientific method” would suffice as a surefire check against any kind of scientific claim or proposition. These are the same guys who happen to believe in the theory of evolution as the gospel truth. But alas – very little could be proven of such claims that seems to even fly in the face of secular science’s much vaunted methodolgies. These guys need to get a grip of themselves. They must understand that believeing in science as an answer to the fundamental existential questions is nothing better than to believe that God created the universe in 6 days and also Created Adam – the first Human being. I mean the whole creationist story may seem like a cheap B-grade fairy tale, but the arrogance and evagelical zeal with which otherwise intelligent scientists and scientific theorists promote the various scientific theories and publish their findings as gospel truth is cheap b-grade porn. It’s obscene. It has no scientific basis to start with and yet we are supposed to believe in it as truth. To these guys I have nothing more than pity. I post this video from youtube where Ali-G trashes guys who think they know it all. If einstein was right – we know next to nothing

watch this – LOL

The real state of the union Address

August 26, 2007

If the truth be told this is how Bush’s State of the Union Address Should look like.

see it here – LOL !! espcially the part where Bush says that Saddam has concealed nuclear weapons in his Arse…

Fighting tips : Self defence Crash Course

August 5, 2007

By Bas Ruten

Useful self defence tips and it also has an interesting tip on how to deal with a cheating spouse’s partner caught in the act (LOL)

P.S. If you ever meet this guy in the street or a bar one fine day, it would be good idea not to mess with him

Password Joke

July 1, 2007

I got this joke via SMS from Judy, a friend of mine and I am the sort of person who finds the world, as it is now, as having nothing to be really happy about. So I really can’t remember when I had a good hearty laugh. That was before I received this SMS from Judy and it made my day. Thanks Judy. And the Joke goes…

“A man who, after working his way up the technology food-chain, discoverd e-mails. He decided to have a go at it as a sign of his advancement in the New digital World and started by setting up his very own new e-mail account with his wife looking on intently. As he was filling up the questionnaire he came to the part about his desired password. Feeling creatively macho and to show off to his wife, he typed his password as “Penis”. The wife fell right off of her chair laughing hysterically when the next message appeared rejecting his password :

“Your Password is not long enough”

The singapore woman…sigh

June 19, 2007

A friend sent me these. My wife at times just refuses to make a decision and then when I do on her behalf she turns around and becomes upset. Is it just the singapore women syndrome or it’s generally the case with women? Drives me nuts… Here are the three dreaded words

Whatever
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don’t want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday eat Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm….. then I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? Long time we havn’t watch a movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we go bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such hot day? You not feel tired meh?
Men: Then find a café and have a drink
Women: Drinking coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything

I don’t know
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: Oh I don’t know
Men: Let’s take a bus
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don’t want la
Men: Ok we will take taxi then
Women: Not worth it la… for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: How to walk with empty stomach?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: I don’t know 
Men: Let’s have dinner first
Women: Whatever
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
(Man looks around… for a pillar to bang his head on….)

Theory Of Evolution Is an insult to human Intelligence Even by Secular Standards

June 4, 2007

Taken from “The Worst Thing That you thought”

 Even secular folks are questioning the plausibility of this theory…

Australian Humour

May 22, 2007

Found this pretty hilarious …

Q. Do you know what an Australian kiss is?

A. The same thing as a French kiss.. Only down under.

Bent Statistic of the day

May 16, 2007

Found this in readers digest… thought it was hilarious

 “More bad news for pessimists : According to a new dutch study optimists live longer”

 More reason for pessmists to be pessimistic.

The terrorist and three hostages

April 23, 2007

My son read this joke in the web a couple of days back and I thought that this was quite funny. It made his day coz he was telling it to everyone and making people laugh all day..

Three guys were capture by terrorists, one smart ,one average and one dumb guy.

So the penalty would be death, they took the three guys and said ” We will execute you one at a time”, they placed the smart guy in front of a firing squad.

The smart guy thinks to him I’ve got to think of a disaster.

The commander orders “Ready aim.”

Suddenly the smart guy yells out, “Earthquake!” all of sudden everyone scrambles.

They realize false alarm but the smart guy gets away, they capture the other two, to carry out their sentence. They place the average guy in front of the firing squad. The average guy thinks to himself that if it works for the smart guy, I’ve got think of a disaster.

The commander orders, “Ready aim” the average guy yells out “Flood!” and everyone scrambles he gets away.

So it came down to the dumb guy he gets capture, they place him in front of the firing squad. He thinks to himself, ” Well it works for the smart guy; it works for average guy; I know it will work for me. I’ve got to think of a disaster.”

The commander orders” Ready aim ” the dumb guy yells out “FIRE!!!!!”